Victim or Survivor?
by voldemortsgirl
Summary: Elrond attempts to move on after he witnesses Gil-galad's death. Please R&R.
1. Bitter Truth

I looked around the field. The sounds of battle died away, and a blood freezing, pained shriek filled the air, and froze my entire body. I knew only too well what had just made that noise, and I turned my head to the source of the sound. I watched, horrorstruck, as Gil-galad, my king and surrogate father, screamed and writhed in Sauron's hand. He fell to the ground, and it seemed as if the entire battle just stopped. The hosts of the Eldar all froze, just as I did, and watched Gil-galad fall. I kept hoping and praying that he had only fallen.  
  
"Get up, Ereinion." I pleaded to myself. "Get up."  
  
Despite myself, I numbly picked up my sword and charged forward. I felt Cirdan's arm around my chest as he stopped me from charging forward.  
  
"Elrond, no! There's nothing you can do." Cirdan said.  
  
"Yes! He's only just fallen! I have to help him!"  
  
Cirdan tightened his grip, trying to keep me from breaking free.  
  
"He's gone, Elrond."  
  
I was getting angry. Why hasn't he gotten up yet? I thought to myself. A grim smile tugged my lips. Any minute now, Gil-galad would hop back up, his mocking laughter ringing through the battlefield, and he would rejoin Elendil against Sauron. I grew impatient. I kicked against Cirdan, trying to break his grasp on me. He repositioned his arms and held on.  
  
"Let me go! I must go to him! Why hasn't he gotten back up? EREINION! EREINION!"  
  
"He can't get up, Elrond. He can't come back."  
  
"Stop saying that!"  
  
Why was Cirdan acting like something was wrong with Gil-galad? Why was he pretending he wasn't going to get up?  
  
"EREINION!" I bellowed again.  
  
"Elrond, he won't get up, he can't." He said. His voice wavered and broke. "He can't because he's dead."  
  
"No, he isn't. Cirdan, you must let me go to him."  
  
"There is nothing you can do for him now. He is gone too far."  
  
I was only vaguely aware of my sword slipping from my hand.  
  
"No. No it's not true. It can't be."  
  
"Elrond." Cirdan said. By the tone of his voice, I knew it was the truth; I knew he was gone. He loosened his grip on my arms as my knees gave way and I fell to the ground. Tears burned my eyes and slid down my cheeks. I bit my lip and forced myself not to cry. 


	2. Ithilwen

I avoided Cirdan's gaze.  
  
"Elrond, eat something."  
  
"I'm not hungry."  
  
"You need to eat."  
  
"Drop it!" I snapped.  
  
Cirdan shrugged, stood up from the table, and left. I buried my face in my hands. Ithilwen, Gil-galad's other surrogate child walked in tentatively. She bowed her head and sat at the table. I looked at her, smiling weakly. She had known Gil-galad longer than I had. He had raised her since she was three years old, and had been more of a father to her than her own had ever been. She was still incredibly pale, and her eyes were greatly dimmed of their usual jovial light. I looked at her critically. Her hair was also more of an ashen shade of its former cherry-brown color. It clung limply to her face, as if it were wet.  
  
"Ithilwen, are you ill?" I asked. She certainly looked it.  
  
"No. No I'm fine."  
  
I tried to smile, but the heaviness on my mind impaired any joyful movement. "Look at you. You are a wreck. You don't eat, sleep, you haven't smiled or even tried to since I returned from Mordor, since Ereinion..."  
  
I stopped myself, unable to finish my sentence. Saying it again would bring a closure that I wasn't sure if I was ready for. Cirdan mercifully broke the news to her, sparing me the pain of it, and I still hadn't accepted what I'd lost.  
  
"I do the best I can, Peredhel."  
  
I put my hand on hers, in what I hoped was an encouraging gesture. Tears leaked down her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you." She said hurriedly. She got up and fled the room. 


	3. Day Has Come Again

I don't know how long I sat there. Everything in my mind was numb. My brain told me I was walking in a dream, but my heart knew it was as real a nightmare as could possibly be true. Everything in my heart seemed to explode, and I was finally overcome with large shaking sobs. Celebrian, my friend Celeborn's daughter, and my secret fancy, quickly walked over to me. She put her arms around my shoulders, wiping the tears from my face. She was hurting too, we all were, but she comforted me. Pressed against her shoulder, feeling her slightly rock, everything I'd been feeling since that day in Mordor came out in the form of crystalline, pallid tears. Celebrian said nothing; she merely cradled me in her arms, humming softly. After a time, the tears stopped and I was able to pull away. Celebrian smiled placidly. I took her hand in mine.  
  
"We will endure, my lord." She said. I smiled gratefully and stood up.  
  
"Thank you, Lady Celebrian."  
  
Celebrian put her hand on my shoulder. "Day will come again."  
  
She turned and walked out.  
  
**Later That Night**  
  
I lay in bed that night. Every muscle in my body was tired, but I couldn't sleep. I clung to the blanket, the burning image of Ithilwen's face emblazoned itself in my mind. I stood up and walked out onto my balcony, wondering if Ithilwen, three floors below me, was doing the same thing. I thought of Celebrian. Gil-galad was her mother's cousin. She was hurting like the rest of us. She would carry on. I sank to my knees. I don't know why, but a dry derisive laugh escaped my throat. Life from amongst the ashes. It would be hard, but the survivor in me told me I had to move on. I had suffered before. I would have to pick up the shattered pieces of my life, whatever was left of them, and trudge forward, as I have done before. The acrid wounds would never heal, but they would eventually fade. Through the grating pain, came a muted acceptance. Celebrian and Ithilwen were survivors, and so was I. Someday, we will move on. The day would come again. As I lay there on the cold, stony balcony, tears sliding down my face, I lay to rest the ashes of a ravaged friendship, and somehow, I moved on. 


End file.
